“Big Man Japan” is a parody on the whole Japanese megamonster-movie-mayhem and on superheroes in general. Daisato is the son of a famous superhero and like him he can mutate to a giant, when electrically charged. (Don’t try at home, kids!)
But the job of the skyscraper-sized-monster killer is not as popular as it was in the Golden Age of Godzilla, as this mockumentary proofs.
What is Suicide Food? “Suicide Food is any depiction of animals that act as though they wish to be consumed. Suicide Food actively participates in or celebrates its own demise. Suicide Food identifies with the oppressor. Suicide Food is a bellwether of our decadent society. Suicide Food says, “Hey! Come on! Eating meat is without any ethical ramifications! See, Mr. Greenjeans? The animals aren’t complaining! So what’s your problem?”
And so Ben keeps collecting" atrocious logos, gross signs and emetic doodles to entertain us. Thank you Ben! (And thank you, Xin, for pointing me there)
I am proud to be an European! I am ashamed of being an European. And I couldn’t care less. But it’s a good thing that we finally got our own superhero! Isn’t the world full of superheroes? Spiderman? Superman? Shaktimaan? El Santo? Kilink? Darna? Cap’n Alcohol? Jalila?
So, let’s have a closer look at Captain Euro and his sidekick Europa:
“They are the new ambassadors of global peace, bearing the European message with them wherever they go. Solving problems and averting the threat of danger.”
Solving problems? Well, o.k., a megalomaniac villain threatening the world with a nuclear laser beam from another planet can be called a problem, can’t it?
“Europe’s most advanced technology is at their disposal…”
Don’t despair! Equipment is not everything! Let’s focus on our heroes instead:
“Captain Euro has taken a difficult vow: “To use, wherever possible, intellect, culture and logic – not violence – to take control of difficult criminal situations.”
Criminal situation? Using culture? No violence? What are his superpowers anyway?
“Euro combines his acquired language and technology skills with his international ‘savoir faire’ and his natural investigative curiosity, to protect Europe.”
Yes. Our protector is a translator. That’s all. The Hulk is already trembling with fear. But Europe – the blonde, female sidekick?
“She has developed the ability to control her breathing and oxygen intake, enabling her to stay below water for many minutes.”
She can hold her breath? That’s all? I recently collected the 10 Lamest Superheroes, but this is definetely the lamest superpower I ever heard of. “I will stop with my evil doings, Europe – but pleeeeze! start breathing again”, cried the Kingpin in despair…
So, this is Europe’s finest: “Get your hands off that Van Gogh”? I think I’ll move to the only superhero free continent left: Antarctica.
Matthew Bartik is metal-bending forks into little pieces of art. YOu can visit his homepage and directly buy one of his works, they are not expensive.
If you have some time to spare let me babble a little about forks. Can you imagine there were times when no one in Europe used a fork? No, they didn’t have chopsticks either – they only used knives and spoons! Have you ever tried to eat a porterhouse-steak with a spoon? No wonder millions starved to death. When a Byzantine princess brought her own set of table-forks to Venice, she outraged populace and clergy by refusing to eath with her hands:
“Instead of eating with her fingers like other people, the princess cuts up her food into small pieces and eats them by means of little golden forks with two prongs.”*
“God in his wisdom has provided man with natural forks – his fingers. Therefore it is an insult to Him to substitute artificial metallic forks for them when eating.”*
*James Cross Giblin: “From Hand to Mouth” New York, Thomas Y. Crowell, 1987
When I think about it: Chinese still don’t use the fork…
Speaking about cutlery: Don’t you think Bruce Campbell and Uri Geller look exactly like twins?
Yes. Always. Do you remember “Greystoke”, the movie where Christopher Lambert played Tarzan? Well, that one was so famous for the realistic gorilla costumes, but I thought they were pathetic. The actors tried their very best to act like real apes, but their legs were just too long and the masks were ridiculous. (A balding silverback, come on!)
Have a look at all the movie Tarzans here:
Stop! There is one movie where a gorilla costume is properly used. No, not that one, but this one.
PS: I forgot to mention this fascinating video It demonstrates a famous example for “Inattentional Blindness” – people so focused on what they do, that no one actually SEES the gorilla as it passes right through the group.
Lance Krall is a comedian from Monterey, California. He is best known for playin “Kip Calderas” in the “Joe Shmoe Show”. In 2005 he and his friends produced the “Lance Krall Show” which only aired on Spike TV for one season. There’s no DVD available right now, but the bigger part of their skits is available on YouTube – thank God.
Watch my favorite clips: To Kick is to Kill, SNL audition reject, Best Buddies, The Morning After, Wolf Boy at ComicCon, Sunday Hangover, Oh My God, Thank God For God, Boss’ Bake Sale and Triple Homicide.
He’s working on a new show right now called “Free Radio” – I’m looking forward to see it!
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