The In-Sect - retro

Are you about to go out clubbing, but still unsure as to which moves to put on to impress your companions?

Let me submit ‘The Mario’ for your consideration – you might still have enough time to learn it, and will definitely be the talk of the club with this dance.

The dance consists of three main motions:

1. Swing your arms from side to side
2. Take one step
3. And then again
(There are different schools of thought as to whether step three applies to step two only, or steps two and one.)

As the instructive video linked above demonstrates, the rest is ad-libbed. The final part, where you stumble and almost fall flat on your face, is optional. Have fun.

Far away, in a time when creationists still dwelled with their dinosaur friends down under a stone in the Bible Belt, Lancelot Link, the Secret Chimp set out to free the world from the evil plans of CHUMP (Criminal Headquarter for Underworld Master Plans). His tv show “Lancelot Link” was a very cheap spoof of the James Bond universe and I really can’t remember why I ever thought it was funny. It showcases several chimpanzees chewing bubble gum overdubbed by daffy human voices and – ...err… – that’s it. The first season was accompanied by cartoons and songs from Link’s band, “The Evolution Revolution”, starring Link on guitar, Mata Hairy on tambourine and Blackie on the drums.
Watch an episode: Surfing Spy, listen to the Evolution Revolution or get mesmerized by Mata’s Dance of the Seven Veils.

In 1954 the Gojira saga started in Japan. The fever spread to the USA with a movie called “Godzilla, King of Monsters” – where an American actor was edited into the Japanese material. The merchandise created lots of other monsters, called kaiju by Godzilla experts. I found the Wikizilla – a wiki only regarding Godzilla with over 160 articles in their database. This alphabetical list of all kaiju for example: Anguirus, Baby Godzilla, Baragon, Battra, Biollante, Dagahra, Death, Ghidorah, Destroyah, Ebirah, Gabara, Garu-Garu, Giant, Condor, Giant, Octopus, Gigan, Godzilla, Gorosaurus, Hedorah, Jet, Jaguar, Kamacuras, Kamoeba, King, Caesar, King, Ghidorah, King, Kong, Kiryu, Kumonga, Manda, Mechagodzilla, MechaGodzilla, Mecha-King, Ghidorah, Mechani-Kong, Megaguirus, Meganulon, Minilla, MOGERA, Moguera, Monster, X, Mothra, Mothra, Leo, Orga, Orochi, Rodan, Space, Godzilla, Titanosaurus, Varan, or Zilla.
The Wikizilla (Psst: Don’t mention Matthew Broderick or Roland Emmerich if you are there!)

I was really sad to hear that Freddie Garrity died last month. He and his “Dreamers” were one of the more curios formations of the Merseybeat boom in the sixties. (Though they were not from Liverpool, but from Manchester.) They did not write their own material and did not even play on some of their records. It was their pre-rehearsed, synchronised wacky dancing routines and the fun they made out of their stage show. Freddie, with horn-rimmed glasses and his skeletal Buddy Holly looks, sported a frantical dance style, hopping up and down and waving his legs and armes. Waving his legs? Sorry for that one.
They did not change anything in their routines when Merseybeat started to fade away. Like ‘Gerry & the Pacemakers’ they could not compete with younger bands like ‘The Who’, ‘The Kinks’ or the psychedelic version of the Beatles – so their success was limited.
They were important in the rock history anyway because of another reason: When the Beatles played “If You Gotta Make a Fool of Somebody” in Manchester Freddie and Co copied it and performed the Beatles arrangement the next day. This convinced the Fab Four to concentrate on their own composiotions in th e future.
Here’s an informative fansite and some nice clips at YouTube: Funny Over You, You Were Made For Me and their last tv appearance in 1999.

Ah, the Beastmaster – they just don’t make this kind of movies anymore. Thank God! This movie is the crudest mashup of genres ever. It’s Tarzan, Conan and Dr. Doolittle with a pinch of Science Fiction and – a must in the 80ies – nudity. Is it just a cheesy sword and sorcery tale? Yes.

The director and co-writer Don Coscarelli always lamented about the poor quality of the final cut. The author of the novel the movie is based on, André Norton, hates the movie – which may be caused by the fact that her book is about a Navajo warrior called Hosteen Storm fighting in a post apocalyptic future. It’s as if “Annie Hall” would be the film adaption of ‘Batman – The Dark Knight’.
The movie did not do to well at the box office and didn’t earn its production cost, but still brings TBS (The Beastmaster Station) nice quotes. It spawned two sequels, which are even worse.

There are some reasons why there will never be another sequel:
1. Marc Singer – the only Beastmaster – is 60 years old. No one will play an action hero being THAT old!
2. Children of today would never believe that someone who can command animals would choose ferrets, parakeets and rabbits to fight the evil. I’d opt for an army of Kung Fu trained gorillas myself.
3. It’s simply not allowed anymore to spray-paint tigers.
4. Well-muscled swordfighters in loinclothes are completely out of fashion, that would be too gay.
5. No one of the modern ‘Charlie’s Angels’ would appear in the Playboy to promote such a cheesy production. Tany Roberts did.
6. There is no director suicidal enough to make such a sequel. This would be like making a sequel to Alone in the Dark!

Related at the In-Sect: Hold hands, you lovebirds, Send more Paramedics!, Bad Taste, The X-Files Phenomen, MacGyver: Hero or Saint?

Ah, the seventies! The decade of misleaded taste! Brown walls, orange plush, glam rock, hairy chests, long curls! It was the decade of Lee Hazlewood, too. You may know him for writing “These Boots are Made for Walking” of “Summer Wine” – sung with Nancy Sinatra – but he’s a very influential underground artist on his own. His deep voice give his songs an ambiguous, often looming timbre.
In November 2006 his latest CD “Cake or Death“ was published, only weeks after he was diagnosed with terminal cancer. (The link brings you to Amazon, where you can listen to some samples.)
You can find more repellent covers of Mr. Hazelwood here, and if you are really into bad cover artwork, visit the Museum of Bad Album Covers. Visit the Lee Hazlewood fansite, read his whole story and watch him talking with Wyndam Wallace.

Related at the In-Sect: 10 Worst Album Covers of All Time, 40 Sexy Album Covers, The Best Bizarre Covers, 1000 Science Fiction Covers