The In-Sect - politics

Gordon Brown: Texture like sun! Lays me down: With my mind he runs throughout the night. No need to fight! Never a frown with Gordon Brown.
Every time just like the last, on his ship tied to the mast to distant lands; takes both my hands – never a frown with Gordon Brown!
Gordon Brown, find a temptress! Through the ages he’s heading west. From far away, stays for a day – never a frown with Gordon Brown. Never a frown with Gordon Brown! Never a frown with Gordon Brown!

Worldwide as a Frankenstein slave, usually at night, you go to the nearby hospital or camouflaged miniature-hospital van trucks.

Once upon a time there was a lawyer. His name was Francis E. Dec. He was out of his mind. Mostly. So he massmailed his rants to all media and numerous other addresses he could find. Those letters are so obscure and such a chaotic construction site of word monsters that many people failed to see the satirical dimension these obstruse conspiracy theories possess. Quote from zer0: “If you distilled pure insanity into a 120% proof concoction, chances are you might end up with something only HALF as crazy as Francis E. Dec!”
But – thank God! – then came zer0, a graphic artist from Sweden who illustrated Dec’s raves. So, go visit zer0’s site to learn from Mr. Dec how the Worldwide Mad Deadly Gangster Computer God surgically alters your Frankenstein-enslaved body at night to further the Communist “Black Wave” of the future!
The Collected Rants of Francis E. Dec
(And if you think Mr. Dec is right: Don’t tell me!)

10. “We do know of certain knowledge that he [Osama Bin Laden] is either in Afghanistan, or in some other country, or dead.”

9. “We know where they are. They’re in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad and east, west, south and north somewhat.”

8. “Plan backwards as well as forward. Set objectives and trace back to see how to achieve them. You may find that no path can get you there. Plan forward to see where your steps will take you, which may not be clear or intuitive.”

7. “I can’t tell you if the use of force in Iraq today will last five days, five weeks or five months, but it won’t last any longer than that.”

6. “I can’t think of anything funnier than a handful of congressmen walking around (Iraq). They’d have to be there for the next 50 years trying to find something (WMDs). It’s a joke.”

5. “The worst thing you can do is allow a coalition to determine what your mission is.”

4. “Enjoy your time in public service. It may well be one of the most interesting and challenging times of your life.”

3. “There are a lot of people who lie and get away with it, and that’s just a fact.”

2. “Death has a tendency to encourage a depressing view of war.”

1. “Free people are free to make mistakes and commit crimes and do bad things.”

This is a fascinating flash movie, but I have no idea who made it. And I really never heard of an Iranian Empire? This seems to indicate an upcoming Shiite state. Now that’s a very political prediction!
Edit: The mysterious creator of the map eliminated the Iranian Empire over night. Single handedly! With one click! ;-)
Maps of War. (via)

And now, a word from your future president and eternal ruler, General Zod:

When I first came to your planet and demanded your homes, property and very lives, I didn’t know you were already doing so, willingly, with your own government. I can win no tribute from a bankrupted nation populated by feeble flag-waving plebians. In 2008 I shall restore your dignity and make you servants worthy of my rule. This new government shall become a tool of my oppression. Instead of hidden agendas and waffling policies, I offer you direct candor and brutal certainty. I only ask for your tribute, your lives, and your vote.

For the General’s complete platform, visit his campaign website, which has been updated with an expanded ‘Ask the General’ section and a discussion forum. In which discussions are swiftly and ruthlessly ended, naturally.

Also check out the General’s other site for his comments on the rumoured return of Superman.

Uncontrollable panic grips the Japanese countryside, as everyone’s favourite earless, blue, robotic cat Doraemon (pictured right) faces off against his most despicable enemy ever – his own, twisted clone: Broadband (pictured left).

Broadband was created by the fiendish FCC for a devilish plot to ensnare and corrupt the souls of America’s innocent youngsters, and can usually be found trolling around the FCC’s ‘Kid’s Zone’. If you ever had any doubts that the FCC knows nothing about Kids (and doesn’t really care for them, anyway) just take a look at the gargantuan design effort poured into their Kid’s zone – I bet somebody spent half an afternoon on that, if not less.

The main differences between Doraemon and his cheap rip-off seem to be that Broadband is fatter and has a rather vicious nervous tic. That might have been done to obscure the plagiarism a little bit, or perhaps somebody felt that a bloated and disturbed mascot would befit the FCC better.

Another difference is that Broadband has stripes. Those are not taken off Doraemon, for a change, but rather Disney’s Cheshire cat character…

All in all, Broadband is not only a cheap rip-off, but a shoddy rip-off, to boot, and if the FCC wasted more than 50 of the taxpayers’ dollars on him (which is, sadly, extremely likely) they’ve been had, big time.

Emperor Akihito is expected to call for the resignation and ritual suicide of FCC chairman Kevin J. Martin any moment now. Go Doraemon!