The In-Sect - comics

I am proud to be an European! I am ashamed of being an European. And I couldn’t care less. But it’s a good thing that we finally got our own superhero! Isn’t the world full of superheroes? Spiderman? Superman? Shaktimaan? El Santo? Kilink? Darna? Cap’n Alcohol? Jalila?

So, let’s have a closer look at Captain Euro and his sidekick Europa:

“They are the new ambassadors of global peace, bearing the European message with them wherever they go. Solving problems and averting the threat of danger.”
Solving problems? Well, o.k., a megalomaniac villain threatening the world with a nuclear laser beam from another planet can be called a problem, can’t it?

“Europe’s most advanced technology is at their disposal…”
Don’t despair! Equipment is not everything! Let’s focus on our heroes instead:

“Captain Euro has taken a difficult vow: “To use, wherever possible, intellect, culture and logic – not violence – to take control of difficult criminal situations.”
Criminal situation? Using culture? No violence? What are his superpowers anyway?

“Euro combines his acquired language and technology skills with his international ‘savoir faire’ and his natural investigative curiosity, to protect Europe.”
Yes. Our protector is a translator. That’s all. The Hulk is already trembling with fear. But Europe – the blonde, female sidekick?

“She has developed the ability to control her breathing and oxygen intake, enabling her to stay below water for many minutes.”
She can hold her breath? That’s all? I recently collected the 10 Lamest Superheroes, but this is definetely the lamest superpower I ever heard of. “I will stop with my evil doings, Europe – but pleeeeze! start breathing again”, cried the Kingpin in despair…

So, this is Europe’s finest: “Get your hands off that Van Gogh”? I think I’ll move to the only superhero free continent left: Antarctica.

The Story is a webcomic from Jean-Paul Folloain with a very interesting twist. It’s really interactive: Readers can participate by sending photos of themselves. The plot and the artwork are rather surrealistic, but the author’s ironical approach will keep you entertained: “Gerard, the fruit of my loins, with a brilliant career as a lawyer ahead of him, wants to quit school to become an astronaut and marry one of the butcher’s daughters?”
Read the Story.

I want to introduce my own list of the top ten lamest superheroes of all time. These specimen were all really printed, commercial superheroes, every detail told here is true.

The Curse of Being Immortal, Man.

This superhero clearly was inspired by the Wandering Jew, an old anti-semitic, Christian fairy tale. His superpower is being immortal. Not indestructible of course, so when you stab him, he will bleed and if you use your heat vision on him, he’s roast. And he dies, but only to be reincarnated as someone completely else. Now, that’s a super weakness in my eyes. Not only can he feel pain and anger as we all do, no: He even has to die multiple deaths!

Look at the Mess You Made!

The Legion of Superheroes is a never ending source of awe and wonder. The young heroes are bizarre enough on their own, but those who were rejected joining their ranks are even more hilarious. I barely couldn’t decide which one to pick, but I will vote for “The Mess” as my all time favorite. Like my office his only superpower is attracting dirt. Kind of super-Pigpen from “The Peanuts”. And his costume is the only super hero dress I could manufacture myself.

Vogue Award for The Red Bee

“The Red Bee” is an average Golden Age vigilante with no special super power apart from his ability to command bees. He’s not using this to earn a gazillion dollars with special flavored honey but to fight crime. His main problem is the fact that he is completely color blind and sewed himself a costume in red, pink and yellow. Stripes? Check. Puff sleeves? Check. “Stinger Gun”? Check.

Pinky’s Excellent Adventure

Being a sidekick is not cool. Being a boy sidekick is even uncooler. Mr. Scarlet superpowers: ‘Above level acrobatic and hand-to-hand combatant skills’. So being Mr. Scarlet’s boy sidekick is uncoolest. But this is just a small problem compared to his name: “Pinky” is the worst name any superhero can have. Can you imagine any given third class super villain tremble with fear when someone named “Pinky” enters the scene? Or even any kindergarten bully? I’d be more afraid of Linus…

Hoppy the Marvel Bunny

Hoppy is indeed an old fellow – born on the 1st of December 1942. He lives in the “Funny Animal Land” inhabited by cartoons and is the bunny version of Captain Marvel. He is part of the Marvel Family, along with Captain Marvel Jr., Mary Marvel and – yes! – Uncle Marvel. In “Funny Animal Land” Superman exists only as a comic book character, which completely separates his reality from mine. But don’t be afraid: Superman and Hoppy have their share of adventures to live through together!

The Yellow Peril: Collective Man

Imagine you arewriting scenarios and this is your idea: There are five brothers which can mentally synchronize the atoms of their bodies into one human being being five times as strong as any normal man. If this “Collective Man” concentrates on the image of millions of his countryman his powers boost off any scale available in your gym. Where could such a being come from? Right: China! Did I mention that this deployment of collective power renders all five parts of the Collective Man unconscious?

Oops: Doop!

Remember Slimer, the green ghost from the Ghostbusters? Well, that is exactly Doop. Cap’ America – may God rest his soul – stated that Doop is an US military experiment gone wrong and capable of destroying our whole planet. I can not tell you what his superpowers are, but take anything from the X-Men universe and combine it and you get the picture. He once dated a beautiful married woman, but her husband send a PI called Chandler (Oh, the irony!) to investigate. Doop ditched the woman instantly and had an affair with the detective. That he once fought with Thor for the final piece of his brain and that he swallowed all of the X-Men via a swollen pimple is better not further discussed here.

The Gay Ghost

Keith Everett, the Earl of Strethmere, is killed in 1700 and haunts his castle until his last descendant from America returns to the castle and is killed by Nazis. (We write 1942.) Guess what’s the super power of this ghost? Well, the Gay Ghost can slip into another man’s body and can still use his skills with the sword. And that’s what he does to avenge the death of Deborah Wallace. Later he travels to America with her would-be fiancé. Would you please stop smiling?

Carmen, do you know what foreplay is?

“Good. Neither does El Guapo.” Yes, this hero shares his name with the villain from “Three Amigos!” Mr. Handsome’s special ability was a symbiotic relationship with his living skateboard. If the board and Guapo were separated, he immediately felt sick. Fighting the Taliban he first lost his legs, which made it harder to do cool skater stunts. Finally he sung himself to death.

Emetic: The Maggot

Once upon a time there was a little boy called Japheth, born in South Africa under the bloody reign of Apartheid. He could not digest solid food and the doctors gave him up. He didn’t want to be a burden to his family, so he ran away to die in solitary disgrace. He was found by Magneto, who explained his super power to him: “Instead of a stomach you house two sentient slugs who eat themselves through you chest. Using their super power enzymes they can digest any solid material blocking your way, thus strengthening you beyond imagination. But they slugs must reenter your body to release their storage, which hurts like hell every time.” Japheth named himself “The Maggot” and his maggots “Eanie” and “Meanie” and was a happy little mutant ever after…

The ‘Pop Culture Addict’ features a list of the Top Ten Lamest Superheroes. This is a fine read and recommended. Another one collecting weird and lame heroes is Blogzarro.

Related at the In-Sect: Vitron – Evangelical Superhero, The Bat Pages, Darna: ‘Ding ang bato!, Problem’s Home: Cap’n Alcohol or Anne Frank Conquers the Moon Nazis.

Has anyone ever spent a thought what to do if our superheroes go in retirement? What will Florida look alike? Supersonic Bingo? How long will a shuffleboard be? Are there things like super-incontinence?
But let’s change the topic and these bizarre fantasies and talk about the “2007 Superman Celebration in Metropolis, Illinois.” It is the 29th time thousand of Superman fans meet there and I was really amused reading David’s article at the Superman homepage and to watch dozens of photos Brian made and showcases at Fotobucket

Many related articles here. Some of them: Superman is a Dick, Real Superheroes, The Original Batman Story, Levent Çakir is Superman. And Batman., Stardust – Superwizard.

“The Perishers” is just a very nice example for a British comic strip that’s rather unknown outside the kingdom. It’s the English version of “The Peanuts”, written by Maurice Dodd and mainly drawn by Dennis Collins. Let’s have a closer look at the names of the cast. Can you guess who’s American and who is British? Charlie Brown and Wellington, Snoopy and Boot, Linus and Marlon, Lucy and Maisie. Easy, isn’t it?
Both strips have their own, very different running gags and feature a phisophical depth quite unusual for a comic strip. The humour of “The Perishers” is based on eccentric puns and a constant play on words and idioms, making it really difficult to understand for non-Britons. Collins has drawn “The Perishers” with a love for detail that makes his work almost impossible to transfer to any other medium – Schulz found a way to minimize a children’s physiognomy like no one did before and abandons backgrounds wherever possible. The mechanism behind “The Peanuts” is gloating. We – as grown ups – smile at children having exactly our problems.

Another fascinating example is Dennis the Menaces. Born only three days apart they are not twins sharing the same name – they are completely different. The American Dennis doesn’t act in bad faith, he is causing trouble by accident, being cuddly and adorable all the time. The British Dennis REALLY is a menace. He boasts, has no manners whatsoever and fights a constant war against well-behaved boys, mainly Walter. Often his adventures end with him being spanked by his father – though a book in his shorts takes most of the impact.
Links: The Perishers, The Peanuts, Dennis and Dennis(UK): Three artworks, collection of covers.

Bill Mudron is a 30-year old comic artist from Portland, Oregon. He is well known for his “Peter Pan” adaption – a mixture of “Peter Pan + the best parts of Sandman + gigantic Hollywood action sequences” as he puts it himself. Another comic he has drawn is “Anne Frank Conquers the Moon Nazis”. Anne Frank is reborn as a cyborg by Dr. Remiel Pretorius, a Nazi scientist. Walt Disney was his first attempt in the resurrection business and now oversees the construction of the new “Führer Theme Park” on the moon. Max Fleischer and his brother – wait, am I actually describing that comic to you?
It’s tasteless and I don’t like the fact that Anne Frank is used in a more and more cynical way in pop culture – but, hey, it’s really funny in its absurditiy! And I especially like the intelligent and professional use of this typical Fleischer Studios style. If you are not too shocked by the title, then give it a try! It was discontinued in 2003, but it seems like Bill will continue it soon.
Bill’s comics: Pan & Anne Frank Conquers the Moon Nazis. Here’s Bill’s livejournal. And yes, there are people who believe there is a Nazi basis on Moon...

Related at the In-Sect: Stupid Comics, Angry Flower and Kevin Cannon.