I am proud to be an European! I am ashamed of being an European. And I couldn’t care less. But it’s a good thing that we finally got our own superhero! Isn’t the world full of superheroes? Spiderman? Superman? Shaktimaan? El Santo? Kilink? Darna? Cap’n Alcohol? Jalila?
So, let’s have a closer look at Captain Euro and his sidekick Europa:
“They are the new ambassadors of global peace, bearing the European message with them wherever they go. Solving problems and averting the threat of danger.”
Solving problems? Well, o.k., a megalomaniac villain threatening the world with a nuclear laser beam from another planet can be called a problem, can’t it?
“Europe’s most advanced technology is at their disposal…”
Don’t despair! Equipment is not everything! Let’s focus on our heroes instead:
“Captain Euro has taken a difficult vow: “To use, wherever possible, intellect, culture and logic – not violence – to take control of difficult criminal situations.”
Criminal situation? Using culture? No violence? What are his superpowers anyway?
“Euro combines his acquired language and technology skills with his international ‘savoir faire’ and his natural investigative curiosity, to protect Europe.”
Yes. Our protector is a translator. That’s all. The Hulk is already trembling with fear. But Europe – the blonde, female sidekick?
“She has developed the ability to control her breathing and oxygen intake, enabling her to stay below water for many minutes.”
She can hold her breath? That’s all? I recently collected the 10 Lamest Superheroes, but this is definetely the lamest superpower I ever heard of. “I will stop with my evil doings, Europe – but pleeeeze! start breathing again”, cried the Kingpin in despair…
So, this is Europe’s finest: “Get your hands off that Van Gogh”? I think I’ll move to the only superhero free continent left: Antarctica.
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