I always wanted to be a juror in televised singing competition like American Idol or Pop Idol – wouldn’t a casting show for casting show jurors be a great concept, Mr. Endemol? – so I invented one myself: Welllllcooome to the first round of the In-Sect’s WebFame-Starsingers competition. The first assignment is – drum roll – “What’s Going On?” from the fabulous “4 Non Blondes”. Give your best! And here they come:
10 Metaplasma featuring Carlo D’Agosto
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This band is too busy watching their instruments. Mr. D’Agosto seems to be a quite skilled guitar player. But it really would help, if he’d play the same song as the band. My tip: Don’t quit your dayjob! |
9 Biboille:“I know I suck”
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This is not really a cover, instead we watch a 12-year old practizing the guitar. Adding 10 points for the chuzpe to upload this, subtracting 10 points for the bad camera angle. |
8 Cajo Kosiner: Maniac Version
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Cajo is dedicated and really a guitar pro – but why does he sit on a sofa, when he wants to dance? This makes the performance a little nervous – but I like the Bob Dylan part at 1:50! |
I’m sorry, male competitors: It seems like this is a women’s song – or do you really have problems with our little brotherhood of men?
7 Ann Spade
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I’m totally objective with a clear clinical approach to my job! I’m not distracted by the fact that Ann is clearly the best looking competitor, but the guitarplay just is not convincing, sorry. Hah – now you see, what you get for not dating me! |
6 Nishtha: YourNightmare
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Hey, she took that nickname all by herself! And it’s misleading: I can’t imagine she’s looking nightmarish, that she’s gotta hide in the shadows! Nishta, we average-joe-consumers are quite used to actually SEE the artist. 10 points minus for playing hide and seek. 3 point plus for creative guitar play! |
5 Demented Poet
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Rosanne, I like your hat and your website, but you clearly overact here – that’s just too much staginess, sorry. |
4 Elen: The singing life of Els
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Ah, finally we reach semi-pro level! But, it’s just the same: Too much facial expression. 7 points minus for not playing the guitar, 3 points plus for the artsy greyscale and 2 points plus for showcasing your hometrainer. |
3 Michelle & the Stuff Toys
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Michelle is a professional musician with regular gigs at places called the Mox Bar, BarStop, Wala Wala, Balaclava or ACID bar. But the sound quality of the clip is just plain… horrible. Also knowing the lyrics could prove helpful. |
2 Ben Harpette
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“I think it’s not bad, isn’t it?”, Ben writes. No, it’s not bad – it’s the second place – and I think there’s even more to develop! But, alas, a penalty for not switching on the light again. |
1 I’m Jennifer. I am 13
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“I hope some day for a MIRACLE and I will be DISCOVERED!” I always have a spooky feeling when 13-year old children sing like grown-ups, but she really has a great voice and great potential. Winner! |
(Fanfare, Clapping. Howling. Tears. Laughter. Paternal smile of the showmaster – that’s me.)
Note: Excluded from the contest were Michael Flatley (Thank you, Ghost Morphine for showing that “What’s Going On?” syncs perfectly with Michael Flatley’s Lord Of The Dance.), the 4 Non Blondes for being the original, the Gay He-Man for being too well-worn and Pink, just for being too good to be true.
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