Warning: Though this article is satirical, every movie mentioned in it is REALLY in production. All links will lead to the respective IMDB article, except one.
Yes, there have always been some sequels. Just think of ‘Mickey Mouse’, ‘Tarzan’ or ‘The Thin Man’. But Summer 2007 will show the total, maniacal, fetish-like sequel-addiction of Hollywood of today.
Yesterday I stood in my favorite video store and just couldn’t decide to pick any of the DVDs I found in the shelves. This happens regularly and – being over 40 years old – I wistfully remember those good old days, where there were no sequels. Except Star Wars, Star Trek, The Godfather, Planet of the Apes, Mad Max, Superman or Indiana Jones… err… you get the idea?
I really love well produced sequels of good movies and naturally I’m looking forward to Spidey 3, Pirates 3, Harry Potter 5, National Treasure 2, Rush Hour 3, Shrek 3 or Ocean’s 3 just like anybody else, but I am not sure if I want to see American Pie 5, Bruce Almighty 2 or Fantastic Four 2. And – I can guarantee you that – I will not buy a ticket for The Ring 3, Sin City 2 or Species 4.
And who really needs The Punisher 2, Rambo 4, Resident Evil 3 or – yes, it’s true – Mrs. Doubtfire 2?
But that is not the bottomline. Imagine you will get accidentally kidnapped, handcuffed to a chair and your eyelids will be glued to your eyebrows with duct-tape. You’d have no choice, you’d have to watch Mortal Kombat 3 or Highlander 5. What a inhumane torture!
Ah! What a movie summer this will be!
And everything will be different in 2008. Heard the rumours regarding Gladiator 2 (How will they raise Maximus from the dead?) or Dark Crystal 2? (Ha, talk about childhood traumata!)
Indy!!!
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