Do you know Mitch Hedberg?
Well, I didn’t until a friend pointed me to his unofficial website. “He’s the worst standup comedian you’ve ever seen!” That promised I really was disappointed, because Mitch Hedberg is really, really hilarious. Here are some examples:
“Onions make me sad, alot of people don’t realize that. When I’m cutting onions I’m sad… the plight of onions has been sad. But people don’t realize I’m actually crying. They think I’m just reacting.”
“Everytime I go and shave, I assume there is somebody else on the planet shaving, so I say ‘I’m gonna go shave too.’ ”
“When I was on acid, I’d see things that looked like beams of light… and I’d hear things that sounded an awful lot like car horns…”
“I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.”
“I got into an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That’s a bad place for an argument, because then I tried to walk out and slam the flap. How are you supposed to express your anger in this situation? Zipper it up really quick? zzippp… ‘Fuck you.’ ”
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